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Re-thinking Valentines Day

29th May 2023

Categories: Press & Media

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“I just don’t know who to talk to.” He wasn’t tal

“I just don’t know who to talk to.”

He wasn’t talking about his marriage. He was talking about his life.He went on to explain that his wife had always been the one he turned to. She knew everything. His worries. His dreams. His frustrations at work. His fears.
Then he paused.

“I’ve realised she’s my only person.”

I sat with that for a moment. Because I don’t think he’s unusual. One of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that many women seem to have several places to share matters of their heart. A sister. A close friend. A walking buddy. Someone they can call just to say, “Can I talk to you about something?”

Many men don’t. Their partner becomes their confidant, their emotional support, their sounding board and their closest friend.
On the surface, that sounds romantic.

Until life happens.

What happens if the relationship comes under strain?
What happens if there’s grief, burnout, illness or separation?
One relationship was never designed to carry the entire emotional weight of another human being.

That’s too much for anyone.

I don’t think the answer is loving our partner less. I think the answer is finding, creating and leaning into our community more.

Building friendships. Maintaining friendships.
Keeping in touch with family.
Making time for people who know us beyond the roles we play.
The healthiest relationships I’ve seen aren’t isolated, they’re surrounded by other healthy relationships.

Maybe that’s part of becoming your own Relationship Architect.
Not simply building a strong partnership but building a life where neither of you has to carry the whole weight of the other’s heart.

I’d love to know your thoughts.

Have you ever found yourself relying on one person for almost everything emotionally?

“Love is blind.” Is it? One of the reasons I find

“Love is blind.”
Is it? One of the reasons I find the reality show #loveisblind so fascinating isn’t the drama. It’s the social experiment.

Strip away appearance.
Remove first impressions.
Take physical attraction out of the equation for a while.

What happens?

People begin choosing partners they might never have considered in everyday life. Different ages. Different cultures. Different backgrounds.

And something remarkable happens.

Many discover genuine compatibility before chemistry has a chance to lead the way.

But here’s what the show also teaches us…
Compatibility doesn’t guarantee a lasting relationship.
Some couples are beautifully matched on paper, yet still struggle once real life begins.

Because compatibility may create the ideal foundation, but relationships are built through something more.

They require partnership skills:

Healthy Communication,
Conflict skills,
Trust, and
Shared effort.

This is why I often say there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” partner. There is simply a better-or worse-match.

The healthiest relationships aren’t built on attraction alone. They’re built on compatibility and the daily practices that turn connection into commitment.

What do you think?

Do dating shows teach us anything meaningful about real relationships, or are they simply entertainment?

Imagine you’re having the worst day you’ve had in

Imagine you’re having the worst day you’ve had in months.
Who do you call?

The answer probably isn’t the person with the most impressive job title.
Or the biggest house.
Or the largest social media following.

You call the person who makes you feel safe.

That’s exactly what the Harvard Study of Adult Development discovered after 85 years of research. (There is a fascinating TED talk about it)

The greatest predictor of a good life isn’t found in what we accumulate.
It’s found in who we can count on.

Sometimes we spend years building careers and only minutes building relationships.

Maybe it’s time to reverse that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that the greatest predictor of a long, healthy and happy life isn’t wealth, fame or even cholesterol levels.

It’s the quality of our relationships.

Not how many people know your name.
Not how many followers you have.
But whether there are people who truly know you, support you and walk alongside you.

As The Relationship Architect, this reminds me why I do what I do.

Healthy relationships aren’t simply nice to have. They’re one of the foundations of a flourishing life.

So today, ask yourself:
Who are you intentionally investing in?

Because the life you’re building is only as strong as the relationships you’re building it with.

I remember speaking to a woman who was heartbroken

I remember speaking to a woman who was heartbroken because she felt she’d “lost” one of her closest friends.

“There wasn’t a fight,” she told me.
“We just... drifted.”

It made me wonder. How do people who were once inseparable slowly become strangers?

The answer is often surprisingly simple.

Not betrayal. Not conflict. Not a dramatic ending. Just fewer moments together.

Research by Professor Jeffrey Hall found that closeness isn’t accidental, it grows through repeated, low-pressure interactions over time. Essentially, healthy relationships are intentionally designed rather than left to chance.

Around 50 hours we move from acquaintance to casual friend.
About 90 hours to become friends.
And roughly 200 hours of meaningful interaction to become close friends.

But here’s what I found most fascinating.
Those hours aren’t built in boardrooms or while ticking tasks off a to-do list.

They’re built while lingering over coffee.
Walking the dog together.
Sharing a laugh.
Checking in after a hard day.
Having the conversation that goes one layer deeper than, “How are you?”

I often remind people that relationships don’t usually break because of one big moment.
They slowly weaken through the absence of many small opportunities to connect.

The good news?

The opposite is also true.
You don’t have to wait for birthdays, anniversaries or life-changing events to strengthen a relationship. The next ten-minute phone call.
The spontaneous coffee.
The message that simply says, “I was thinking about you.”

These are the building blocks of closeness.
Healthy relationships aren’t built all at once. They’re designed, one meaningful interaction at a time.

Who is someone you’d love to invest another hour in this week?

My Mastermind series supports readers to explore t

My Mastermind series supports readers to explore the content in my book - Uncomplicated Love- in a way that helps with integration and application in one’s personal life. My book contains 3 parts, which unpacks the art, science and practices of resilient love.
Tonight we will be exploring ‘authentic compatibility’.
What does it mean?
How can we think about compatibility?
What do we need to look out for when meeting a life partner?
If you would like to attend, DM me and I will send you the registration link. 🔗
First session is free.
It is one hour at 7pm SAST that can empower you to find alignment in love 😍

One of the greatest misconceptions about relations

One of the greatest misconceptions about relationships is that success comes from finding someone who approves of us, completes us, fixes us, or fits a particular image of what a partner “should” be.

But resilient love asks a different question:

Can I be fully myself with you?

Can I bring my dreams, quirks, strengths, fears, values, ambitions and imperfections into this relationship without needing to hide, shrink, or pretend?

Authentic compatibility is not about liking all the same things or agreeing on every decision.

It is about creating a relationship where both people have the freedom to be who they really are. A healthy relationship doesn’t demand that you become someone else to earn love.

It creates the conditions where you can become more of yourself.

When we are aligned with someone in the things that matter most like our values, priorities, vision, lifestyle, and way of moving through the world, something remarkable happens. We experience that feeling many people describe as coming home.

Not because the other person completes us. But because we feel seen, understood, accepted and free to be ourselves.

That is the essence of authentic compatibility.
And from that space, love emerges.

Do you feel free to be your authentic self in your closest relationships, or are there parts of you that still feel hidden, edited, or constrained?

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