50 relationship goals to strive for with your partner
It’s no secret that a good relationship takes hard work. To ensure both you and your significant other feel valued and loved, it’s worth discussing relationship goals and aspirations. A relationship goal is an objective agreed upon by both partners that aligns with your life goals, wants, and needs. These goals can be as broad or specific as you like according to how you live your everyday life, and couples can work together to accomplish them.
Let’s examine why setting goals matters for your relationship, some examples of real relationship goals, and a few tips for achieving them.
The importance of relationship goals
Relationship goals help build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. They often align with your values in a relationship and what a successful, fulfilling partnership means to you. A study published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that agreeing on goals is a key factor in achieving a lasting relationship.
When you discuss partnership goals, you create a safe space for vulnerability, transparency, and trust to deepen the relationship. Goal setting helps you feel confident you’re on the same page regarding building your life together. As you set goals for your relationship, each partner can also have individual goals. These personal objectives help each individual grow and strive to become better partners to each other.
Goals may shift as your relationship and lives progress. Whether you’re in a new relationship, you’ve been together for many years, or you’re working to fix a relationship, shared goals can help strengthen your connection.
10 relationship goals examples to strengthen your relationships
A recent study published by the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology found that couples working toward relationship goals report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.To realize goal-oriented satisfaction in your partnership, consider what you and your significant other value most. Then, talk about goals that can help you both feel fulfilled.
Here are 10 examples of relational goals to help you start the conversation.
Be open and honest
Transparency builds trust by establishing a foundation of reliable honesty. When you’re open about your feelings with your partner, they get the opportunity to know the real you.
Openness in a relationship can mean communicating your need for help with chores or listening to your partner’s fears about remaining desirable in a committed relationship. Understanding and accepting each other’s needs, worries, and insecurities builds trust.
Develop a date routine
Planning regular dates creates space for uninterrupted time with your partner. When you set aside time free from distractions like work, kids, text messages, and social media, you show your partner they’re a priority. A recent survey of married couples showed an overwhelming majority of partners having frequent dates report being “very happy” in their relationships compared to those who do not.
You don’t have to go out to a nice restaurant for a date to count. Staying in to watch a TV show, going hiking, or playing board games are all great options. No matter what you do, the goal is to find time in your romantic relationship to bond with each other consistently.
Prioritize self-improvement
Much of being a good partner is continuing self-improvement efforts. Self-improvement could mean embracing your hobbies, exercising, and prioritizing your health and well-being. Taking care of yourself is an important first step to showing up for those around you.
Self-improvement might also include understanding how your attachment style influences your relationship. For example, if you have an anxious attachment style, you may tend to assume the worst when your partner says or does something unclear.
Recognize that your anxious thoughts may spur you to make a snap judgment that emotionally distances you from your partner. By prioritizing personal development, you can learn to respond differently to challenging situations and build a stronger, more stable relationship.
Practice vulnerability
Having the vulnerability to be yourself can be challenging. But sharing our deepest fears and insecurities with our partners can help us forge lasting connections.
Here are some ways to practice vulnerability with your partner:
- Share a short-term or long-term goal
- Name an anxiety, fear, or insecurity
- Describe a situation where you felt rejected or discouraged
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean telling your partner everything that crosses your mind. Take time to discover what healthy vulnerability looks like in your relationship.
Aim for unconditional love and acceptance
A lot of relationship advice mentions unconditional love and acceptance, meaning there are no strings attached or expectations regarding repayment. It’s important to remember that love is unconditional, but relationships are not.
Since you share a mutual respect, you treat each other with kindness and grace. You recognize each other’s strengths without faulting one another for your weaknesses. But unconditional love does not mean allowing abuse, neglect, boundary crossing, or any other kind of mistreatment. Practicing self-compassion means being willing to walk away should a relationship become toxic or unhealthy.
When both partners feel unconditionally loved, they are more likely to express themselves without fear of disappointing the other or being judged. Loving each other unconditionally also includes maintaining healthy relationship boundaries.
Work on forgiveness
Forgiveness is a core tenet of every relationship. Both you and your partner will make mistakes. It’s a normal part of being human. Forgive yourself, apologize when necessary, learn from your errors, and extend forgiveness to your partner. The ability to forgive is also linked with mental health benefits, such as coping with anger and increasing hope.
When we don’t forgive, resentment and anger fester inside us. We might be more likely to hold onto toxic shame and hurt, distancing ourselves from our loved one. Couples that forgive can better emotionally attune to each other’s needs, allowing both people to feel supported, loved, and trusted. Those in successful relationships acknowledge moments of hurt, discuss them with their partner, and move forward feeling respected.
Be authentic
Being your authentic self allows you to build deep, lasting connections with those around you. However, authenticity can sometimes be scary, as we may fear someone leaving or rejecting us. Strong and healthy relationships rely on the ability of both partners to be their genuine selves.
In a trusting relationship, each person feels safe to act authentically without worrying they’ll be judged or resented. Try these tips to practice authenticity in a relationship:
- Avoid second-guessing your feelings or reactions
- Cultivate self-love by voicing your needs, feelings, concerns, and confusion
- Let yourself be vulnerable with your partner
- Maintain your autonomy in your relationship
Know your partner’s love language
Everyone has one or two primary love languages. A love language is how a person prefers to express and receive love from a partner. Here are the five most common love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
For example, if your partner values quality time, plan a date. If they care most about acts of service, offer to take some chores off their plate.
When each partner caters to the other’s love language, both individuals are more likely to feel appreciated and understood.
Practice clear and effective communication
Effective communication is an important relationship-building skill. A mismatch in communication styles between you and your partner can create tension and confusion, leading to conflict. Learning each other’s communication styles can help improve communication and the quality of your relationship.
Identify methods for repair after a fight
Conflict is a normal part of relationships. It’s important to learn how to engage in constructive conflict. In a healthy argument, you can disagree while treating each other with kindness and mutual respect. Once the fight has waned, take time to reconnect. Here are some ideas for repairing a relationship after a conflict:
- Take space apart to calm down and relax
- Actively listen to each other without judgment
- Make sure you both have a chance to speak
- Apologize
- Do an activity together that you both enjoy
Listening to your partner’s feelings and taking responsibility is one of the best ways to reconnect after an argument. Doing so ensures both partners feel heard and respected.
40 relationship goal examples for different stages of life
Relationship goals change over time. What matters most while dating may change if you’re raising children together. Depending on your life goals and current relationship stage, your goals might look a little different.
Relationship goals for dating couples
Dating couples are still getting to know each other. They’re learning to communicate, work together as a team, and build trust.
- Create a date routine
- Learn each other’s love languages
- Practice open and honest communication, including identifying communication barriers
- Prioritize mutual respect and trust
- Get on the same page about displays of affection in public, like holding hands
- Learn how to have constructive conflict
Relationship goals for couples with pets
Adopting a pet with your partner is an exciting addition to your family. Yet it comes with an entirely new set of expectations and responsibilities for both partners.
- Create a routine for taking care of the pet
- Decide who is responsible for various pet needs
- Determine how you’ll handle pet-related expenses
- Have a conversation about how you’ll manage pet care should the relationship end
- Agree on training, pet care, and pet health best practices
Relationship goals for long-term couples
Those in long-term relationships most likely have a good baseline for handling conflict and overcoming adversity. They may have couple goals centered around hopes, priorities, and planning for the future.
- Write a 5-year plan together
- Discuss big topics like parenting, politics, finances, etc.
- Maintain your own lives outside the relationship with best friends and family
- Set boundaries between the couple and family members from both sides
- Communicate desires around physical and emotional intimacy
- Establish an “us vs. the problem” mentality
Relationship goals for engaged couples
Engaged couples are likely focused on building their day-to-day lives together. This includes the division of chores, supporting each other’s careers, and maintaining personal lives outside the relationship while preparing for a wedding.
- Celebrate each other’s successes
- Take part in relationship coaching or couples therapy
- Fairly distribute life responsibilities and chores
- Create a budget
- Practice gratitude
- Continue making friends as adults
Relationship goals for established couples
Couples who have been together for many years have likely already gotten into a rhythm of life together. They’ve covered the basics: politics, parenting, boundaries, intimacy, and more. Now, these partners are focused on keeping the relationship healthy, supportive, and exciting.
- Try new activities together
- Continue to go on dates
- Maintain good communication
- Find time to connect every day
- Be open and honest with each other
Relationship goals for life partners
In choosing to be life partners, you and your partner are committing to each other. As you embark on your day-to-day life together, it’s important to continue making time for each other, supporting one another, and having fun.
- Create new traditions
- Schedule regular dates
- Celebrate your anniversaries
- Surprise each other
- Give each other compliments
- Use words of encouragement
Relationship goals for couples with children
When children enter the relationship, most couples find they have less time for each other. Yet this is also a time when partners must support each other the most. You might struggle to schedule regular dates, but long-term relationship goals still matter when you have children.
- Check in every day
- Create space for each other to have alone time
- Say “I love you” often
- Continue learning new things about each other
- Operate as a team
- Get a babysitter and go on a date
How to set and achieve relationship goals
Now that you know what relationship goals can look like, you can learn how to set and achieve them. Here are some tips for how to do so:
- Communicate your needs: For relationship goals to work, both partners must effectively share their needs and wants. That way, you can build shared goals that work for you both.
- Work to understand each other: Learning to understand each other takes time. Recognize that your efforts won’t always be perfect. It’s more important that both partners try to understand the other.
- Build shared life goals: Consider what kind of life you want to build together and create goals to realize it. These shared goals help align both partners on objectives to work toward as a couple.
- Create a date routine: Regular dates ensure you have dedicated time to spend with each other. Free from outside distractions, you can focus your undivided attention on each other.
- Establish regular check-ins: Scheduled check-ins allow you and your partner to touch base about what’s on your plates. This helps you find ways to support each other.
- Maintain healthy conflict resolution: The occasional argument will happen. You can repair your relationship after fighting by practicing healthy conflict resolution strategies.
- Maintain trust and support: Trust, love, and support are foundational aspects of a lasting relationship. When you know you can turn to each other for help, you’re more likely to achieve your relationship goals.
Even as individual relationship goals change, the dedication you and your partner have to each other can remain constant. Growing together and defining your goals sets the stage for a successful relationship.
Set relationship goals for long-term success
Relationship goals help align both partners toward building a fulfilling life. To set and achieve them, both partners must be honest with themselves and each other as well prioritize the relationship.
Seeking relationship goal guidance from a professional can be helpful. A coach can offer expertise on which goals to choose to boost your interpersonal relationships, no matter their stage.
Partner with a BetterUp Coach to learn to foster mutual respect, align your values, and build stronger, more growth-oriented relationships.